this post is not for republicans

I didn’t make any best friends my freshman year of college. Not a single one. I became very depressed, and I smoked weed to cope.

I met my sophomore college roommate on Craigslist. They were also a student at the college I attended. Right away, my roommate introduced me to a bunch of cool students, including Lucius.

Lucius was 6’6” of beautiful lanky Siberian native. I tried to seduce him, but he refused, again and again. But, for some reason, he kept coming over to spend time with my roommate and me.

At last, I figured out that he wanted to be my friend. I met his evil gay twin brother, Frank, at a party. Before I even knew of him, Frank yelled my name across the room, ran over to me, and hugged me. I felt so welcome.

“We were raped every day in the orphanage,” Lucius said to me very quickly one night as we crossed the street from our friend’s apartment to the dining hall. This did track.

Bring a little traumatized myself from the brain injury at 16, Lucius, Frank and I got along great. We all used substances to cope, and we all had a role in obtaining them.

Lucius and I decided which drugs we wanted, Then, we would give Frank the cash to purchase them. Frank would run out of the apartment, return five minutes later with whatever we had told him to obtain, and we all split them. I had made friends, and I was delighted.

I would fund this nefarious behavior with my 33 k of student loans. After college, I applied for SSI, and all my student loans were forgiven by the federal government.