I am an addict

I am an addict, but because I am selfish I keep forgetting that I’m an addict and continue to do the behavior anyway. I’m a functioning addict, in that my addiction doesn’t prevent me from living my daily life, so I haven’t felt a need to treat it. Maybe that’s why my sister doesn’t want me to be in her wedding party. Because I inevitably keep prioritizing drugs above her.

I have free will. Nothing is inevitable. But if I keep treating my addiction like it is inevitable, I will make no progress in overcoming it. Without struggle, there is no growth. So, what can I do?

Option 1: I can stop consuming substances. Period.

I keep acting like I have other options, but this is the addiction talking. I have a highly addictive personality, and so, paired with my trauma, I can never safely consume mind-altering substances.

I must understand that this will detract from the amount of “fun” I can have at any given time. This is where I must struggle. I must find other ways of enjoying myself, such as bonding with others and challenging my intellect.

I am an addict. I must stop consuming substances. There will be struggle, but if I embrace the struggle I am embracing growth.