Fiction

In March I exercised my freedom of speech by flipping off a cop to his face after he finished looking my father in the eye continuously after he read me a restraining order.

My generation was chatting at a family gathering once. We decided to play a game of deciding which Hogwarts house everyone at the gathering would be in, and Liz said, “Point to who you think would be in Slytherin.” All of them, even Kyle, my sister Mary Kate’s fiancé, pointed straight at me without the slightest hesitation.

In college, I once robbed Tamara’s roommate of a handful of weed. That’s literally the worst thing I’ve ever done. This restraining order speaks more greatly to the sanity of the person filing it than it does to any past actions of mine.

The person filing the restraining order against me and I have had a complicated past. It ended with me effectively breaking his heart. So, his motivation may have been to make me want what I can’t have.

In a sick, twisted way, I’m proud of the fact I’ve tried acid (LSD), shrooms, Molly, and mountains of the dankest weed I could get my hands on. Laura won’t share her weed with me at Mug Zs anymore because I must have been smoking one time when I was really drunk and falling over so she correlated me smoking weed with me falling over.

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